Mental
by Ruia
Summary: Post Battle City. Ryou and Malik meet once again, only this time in a mental hospital. Neither are as well-adjusted as they sometimes seem. Rated for shonen-ai (MalikRyou) and mentions of cutting and general insanity.


Title: Mental

Author: SilvaraMaxwell

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh! or anything else in here, except perhaps the plot. So, please don't sue.

Warning: Mentions of cutting, insanity, and shonen-ai (boy-boy love)

A slow blink.

"You're my new roommate?"

A slight widening of eyes.

"...Oh... I suppose so."

An awkward shuffle, cloth shifting against cloth.

"...I didn't expect to ever see you again..."

Slippers scuffing against the floor.

"I thought... I thought you left..."

A downward glance.

"No... No, I just.... We were going to, but there was another museum... and I just... I couldn't..."

Perfect understanding.

"Oh. I cannot either."

The creaking of the door opening.

"Ishtar, Bakura... Dinner is in five minutes."

A slight nod.

"...All right, thank you."

*****

"...Goodbye!" Ryou waved at the retreating figures, their backs turned towards him. He turned around then, too, and started walking towards his house. His eyes softened sadly, and he held his hand to chest, shirt smooth over his skin.

A deep pain. An unfulfilled feeling. Something missing. Sniffling, crying, trying to make dinner. A slip of the knife. A prick. Eyes wide. A soft cry. Pain bleeding out.

"Jounouchi-kun! Let's go to the arcade now."

"Aw, guys, I can't come with you. I have to go work. I'll see you later, though!"

"I can come with you."

"...I have homework to do," the white haired boy whispered to the empty air around him.

A sad ache, deep inside. The gleaming edge of a knife. Hesitance. A sharper kind of pain. Pain flowing out from the inside.

"Hey, guys, let's all do something together this weekend."

"Yeah, we need a break after studying all week for that big test."

"Why don't we go to my house? I'm sure Grandpa wouldn't mind... We could play video games and watch movies."

"That's a great idea! I'll bring popcorn, and we can order pizza."

"I know a good movie we can all watch together."  


"It better not be a girly, mushy romance!"

"Oh, you!! If it were left up to you, we'd be watching a pointless action film with everyone blowing up things!"

"Hey! That's--"

"Come on, guys. Let's not fight about it."

"...Yeah, you're right. Sorry about that. Anyway, we all know what we're bringing... and we'll be there around dinnertime. It'll be great... just the four of us. All right?"

"Right!" 

"I am very sorry," a soft voice followed them, unheard. "I have something to do this weekend... more studying to do... I hope you do not mind terribly..."

A nightly ritual. Soft, soft skin. Sharp, sharp blade. Deeper and deeper. Cut and jab and dig and stab. Carpet soaked red. A door creaking open. A fading voice. To be or not to be...

*****

"...not to be..."

"Hm? What was that?"

"Oh... nothing. I am sorry. I did not mean to disturb you."

"What're you reading?"

"...Shakespeare. A British writer. This is Hamlet translated into Japanese."

"...Yeah, I've heard of him. Haven't read that play yet."

"You can borrow my book, if you would like."

"Nah, I can't read Japanese."

"...Shall I read it to you instead?"

"That... That would be nice."

*****

"...I thought we might stay here for a while. There are a lot of museums here that want our exhibit, and there are nothing but bad memories back home..."

"It's all right. Really. You don't have to keep explaining it all to me."

"Are you sure? I know you wanted to go back... and we will... It's just--"

"I know, I know. I'm fine. Really." _Not fine, not fine, just say it's fine and maybe it will be..._ "I'm just going to go out for a walk."

"...Oh... Do you want me to come with you? I could keep you company..."

"No, you have work to do. Don't worry about me. I'll be back in a while..."

"...All right..."

Stumbling around. Wandering aimlessly. Aching head. No purpose at all. _I did it, I did it, I did it..._

"Where are you going?"

"Out."

"...Oh. Again? Can I come with you this time? You seem to like going out for walks... It might be nice to do it together..."

"No, I just like wandering around outside... clearing my head..."

"Clearing your head...? Anything you want to talk about?"

"Don't worry about me; I'm fine. It's just the jumble of thoughts that are in anyone's head... you know, wondering about where we're going next, trying to teach myself to read Japanese, trying to get a job..."

"...Are you sure? You know... you can talk to me about anything."

"I know."

So many people. All around, always around. Accusing stares. _They know, they know..._ Not safe. Not anywhere. Always accusing, always hating. Everyone. Everyone. Nowhere to run. No one to turn to. Hatred, so much hatred. _I did it, I did it, I DID IT..._

"...Are you leaving again?"

"Yes."

"Where do you go? Why do you leave so often?"

"I told you... I like going for walks. They're nice, relaxing."

"But you go on them _all the time_. I'm worried about you. You're not eating much; you're not talking to me; you're never around anymore..."

"I told you, I'm fine." _Liar, liar, liar..._

"Please... don't lie to me. You don't look fine. You don't act fine."

"But I AM. I AM fine. I'm FINE. Fine, fine, fine, fine, FINE. What more do you want from me?!"

"Talk to me! Please! ...I found your journal. I'm sorry for invading your privacy, but I had to just peek in. I wanted to know that nothing was wrong. But the things you write in there... the things you think... I--"

"You read my journal?!"

"I'm sorry!! But you've stopped talking to me! I needed to know everything really was fine, but it's not!!"

"IT'S FINE! I'M FINE! STOP YELLING AT ME! STOP STARING! STOP _LOOKING_ AT ME LIKE THAT!! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!" He slammed the door behind him, ignoring the soft sob following him.

Rocking back and forth. Curled up tightly. Dirty corner, away from people. Paranoid eyes. _They know, they all know... They know, and they hate me for it... She hates me; he hates me... They all hate me. Nobody cares; no one at all._ Feeling hands grabbing and clawing. Seeing angry faces. Accusing and hating; always accusing and hating. _No, no, stop it! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Just leave me alone! I'm fine now! I'm better! I'm sorry, and I won't do it ever again, and I'm fine, I'm FINE, I'M FINE!_

*****

"...not fine."

"I'm sorry, did you say something?"

"...No... just writing in my journal."

"Oh..."

"..Have you ever written in a journal?"

"No... but I like to draw."

"Really?"

"Yes... I have not drawn anything lately, though..."

"Well, if you do... and you wouldn't mind... I would like to see a drawing of yours someday."

"...That would be nice..."

*****

"It's amazing...."

"What is?"

"Those two. In there."

"Hm? Where? Oh, you mean Bakura and Ishtar?"

"Yeah, them. Looked like they'd be in here for a while when they were brought in."

"Mm... One off his rocker, and the other so introverted and depressed he blended with the wallpaper."

"I can't believe how quickly they're getting out."

"I know. I thought they'd each have a couple of more months at the very least."

"Me too. But they've become such great friends... I guess that's helped a lot."

"Yeah, friends, huh."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"What do you _think _it means?"

*****

Ryou looked around, feeling freer than he had in a long while. He glanced over at Malik and noticed his face was upturned towards the sun, eyes closed blissfully.

"Hey..." He tugged lightly on his hand, their fingers entwined. "Are you ready to go?"

Malik lowered his head and opened his eyes to look at Ryou. He nodded slowly. "Yeah," he answered, then tilted his head to the side, lips moving closer to Ryou's. "Are you sure about this?"

"Yes," Ryou replied without hesitance. "I know... we both have a long way to go, but... I want to be with you while we go that way... and after, as well."

"Me too. I don't think I could do it without you."

They shared a soft kiss, and Ryou smiled gently at Malik as their mouths parted. "Come on, then."

Two orderlies, dressed in white, watched as Malik and Ryou left hand in hand. The slightly shorter one looked up at the other orderly. "See, what did I tell you?"

"Yeah, yeah... you win." They turned and walked back inside, the taller orderly handing a thin packet of rolled up yen to the shorter one. 

Author's notes: I... don't know where this came from. Or the style most of it is written in. Or the title for that matter. -.-;; At any rate, comments, criticisms, and suggestions are always welcome, so please review!


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